Tag Archives: warm toilet seats

Warm Toilet Seats: A Rant

When I slide the bolt in the gas station bathroom door, drop my shorts, lower my backside to the porcelain, and let out a sigh of relief only to feel the residual heat of prior fecal activity, I do not feel kinship with my fellow man. I can’t help but imagine a huge butt completely enveloping the toilet, rolling off either side like a great mass of hairy, veiny biscuit dough.